For the last time.
I’m done. Stop it. There’s nothing more left.
I’m done caring. Done sharing. Done understanding. Done hurting. Done crying. Done hoping. Done asking. Done participating. I’m fucking done loving. Done fighting.
I’m done feeling anything.
So for the last time. I will write in here. Until I find reasons to write again, I will never come back.
No one can save me but me. I know that now. I will just bake cookies tonight. I’m done giving shit. Done caring. Done being concerned. Done hurting.
They say, do what makes you happy. And little things make me happy. So I made some list. And I’d start number 1 tonight.
1. Bake cookies.
2. Go to the ocean.
3. Watch a movie.
4. Buy that burger!!!!
5. Practice a new song.
6. Visit Enchanted Kingdom.
7. Sunflowers, sunset, rainbows, shells.
8. Cook food!
9. Eat all you cook.
10. Sleepover with cousins!
11. TRAVEL MORE. Soul search and do it all!
Happiness is a choice, and I’m choosing mine now.
I know the feeling. It’s not new to me. It is that feeling when you’re done giving shit. It’s not good, it’s not bad. It just feels, empty.
Part of me wants it. The so much hurting. I’m not good at it to be honest. By people leaving me – those who I count on. Those I trust. Those I care about. Those I love. Pffft! All in my head.
So I’ll watch when you go. I will watch when you push me away. I will keep on watching. Because after that, I would feel empty. And emptiness is not a new thing.
It’s not good, it’s not bad. It just feels, empty.
~nadia czarina mae 5/17/17
Happy birthday, Chin! You did great today! ❤️
Spontaneous, kind, honest, natural, forgiving, understanding, gentle, warm…
If it’s not working, maybe it isn’t love. Burdened? Scared? ? Then let go. Love isn’t forced. Love isn’t being asked for. Love is being given, without anything in return.
So if it isn’t working, then don’t think of the “love” being wasted. Maybe it’s a sudden overwhelming feelings, but believe, it’s not love after all.
Been there, done that. Enough of the self loathing.
Because love is spontaneous, kind, honest, natural, forgiving, understanding, gentle, warm. And I hundred percent believe that it is what it is.
Because too much space can be so suffocating.
I needed more space.
A space I can no longer see you.
Or hold you.
Or feel you.
The space where I can breathe a little better.
Just a little easier.
And a little lighter.
Sail away and let the waves drown me.
Wash me down and let me gasp for air.
Because I’ve been captured by the tides.
And the sand.
And the little pebbles rattling under each roll.
And the deep blue ocean.
I’ve been called by the splash of water.
So I will breathe.
Because I can. Because I have to. And I need to.
The world will not stop.
So I have to breathe.
April 18, 2017
@ Puerto Galera, Oriental Mindoro, Philippines 🇵🇭