Please, stay with me. Don’t leave me… I beg you. Please.
I wouldn’t forget using these words. With eyes filled with tears, voice being raspy, and heart being broken. It had been my desperate move. Because I was scared. Because I thought I would die, it just felt like one. Because I hoped and tried. Because I couldn’t just give up…
And because I loved.
I have been running away from my thoughts of this. Of the past that I know is still living in the present as long as I carry it with me. It’s something I can’t do anything anymore. Sadly, it is. And that made me crazier one step higher. It shouldn’t be like that. Love shouldn’t be like that.
Because again, I will say this. Love is gentle. Love is kind. Love is patient. Love is forgiving. Love is not toxic. With the right person at the right time, love shouldn’t hurt. Sure it isn’t easy, but it shouldn’t feel like dying.
If it does, maybe it isn’t love.
Maybe it was just an overwhelming feeling of affection and care for a short period of time. Maybe it was just a lesson to learn, so it makes us better and wiser. Maybe it was just a temporary lick of happiness. Maybe it is all of that, and not love at all.
Because at present, it made me hard to believe when someone shows affection. It made me cautious of every intention and every word. I’ve become so guarded of my heart, doubtful and hesitant. It has to be earned now, because if I won’t give restraints, I’ll end up drowning in my ocean of tears again.
If there’s something I would not give easily again, it will be my trust and my pride. Begging is just something I won’t be doing anymore. I know the taste, and the aftertaste. And the result as well. So as long as I’m thinking straight and I’m thinking from the mind & not from the heart, it won’t happen again.