Posted in Battlefield, Broken, self

Lost


Would you chase me even if I walked out now? Would you still want me if I already gave up? 

This time, I’m not looking back. I’ve had enough of my own foolishness, stabbing myself with my own grief. I’m done with all of it. Again, I won’t look back.

I thought I can’t do it. With your hot-and-cold-games I’ve been playing since then, I finally raised my flag and planned my retreat. Enough is enough. There is no more piece left to be broken. 

It was your choice to walk away too. It was my choice to put an end to it. It was our mutual choices to stop it there. I said all the words I want to say before going. Your part remained silent until today in which I totally get, no words needed to know what you mean. I didn’t get a reaction because you were too eager to get your bag packed and leave… at least that’s what it seems to me. 

The first night was like hell. I literally cried myself to sleep and I hated every time I woke up in between because I fucking feel the pain I don’t feel when I’m passed out. It gave me the hard time but hey, I got enough of it. And days and nights after felt exactly like the first without improvement. 

But this day, it’s about time to let it go. It’s about time to stop all the games you played from the beginning. If there’s one important thing to point out here, it is to put my own value first before anybody else. I accepted the fact that you won’t chase after me. You will never ever pull me closer. You won’t stop me from ultimately looking away.

And for the last time, I am doing the same. This is the choice I’m most proud I chose. 

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Author:

Well. This is, for most of the time, the hardest part to fill in. Maybe because I am not the type of person who loves to talk about herself. But in this site you can read the pieces of my life, my ups and downs, my victories and defeats. This is the only outlet where my brain can team up with my heart. For everyone who can't construct the words in the clouds of life. Happy reading! ❤️

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