Soaked with my own tears, I looked myself in the mirror. I still can’t control my fears. As much as I tried not to care, here I am, silencing my pain and still trying to reach out. My attachments were never been clawed shallow. Because I dug deep, I want that connection. I don’t do temporary. I don’t invade personal bubble, I respect privacy, but I don’t do surface interaction.
I tried to adjust, be accepted, engage and respond. I tried to get it personal and lasting… but my fears. I’m scared to be neglected, be left alone, be rejected. I’m scared to be pushed away and it unfortunately scars me. I envy those who could just not care and move on with their lives. I envy those people who are not sensitive.
If I only have a choice. I wouldn’t choose these things that are killing me. I will choose to shut down anything that goes wrong so as not to cause further damage. I wouldn’t dare to get closer, I wouldn’t try. I will be selective. It could have been my choice. But then again…
Being a person with the heart dominant over the brain, these are all null.