Being a sensitive fella had been innate to me. I easily cry, easily get scared, easily maddened, easily get attached. It all took the easy paths. The solution when it gets problematic, however, has always been the opposite. I am like a trouble and sorting out myself is at times difficult.
In the past, I always let people go. I don’t see the point of fighting for someone you can’t have. There would be fear as always. The rejections? It could always be worse than that. If they don’t want me in and I could see & feel it clearly, I won’t try. I’ve had enough heartbreaks to deal with besides the choices of taking risks with people. So letting them go is my best solution. Just cutting the connection, being cold, and forgetting it all happened. I could deal with the damage afterwards, I’m used to it.
But as they always say, there will always be a person who could switch you off and switch you on for a different view. You could meet that someone who would change your perspectives and hold your lens for you to refocus at the different subject. Although it’s raw and new, I’m puzzled. But in a good way.
I’m scared and unsure but there’s one thing I am certain: I’d like to take a risk on this one. It may be the most foolish thing to do, but I won’t let this go. This, afterall, makes my whole body sing and I’m holding into this.
To this. To you. Although there’s nothing to be established yet, I know I don’t like to let you go. Even if it’s very early to decide, I know I want to fight for you. And the walls are so high you could climb Mt. Everest, I will definitely let you in. With all of the uncertainties. All of the possibilities of heartaches and heartbreaks and broken promises and unmeant words, I won’t let go. Even if the world tells me no, I’d hold your hand and go through it all.
Because that’s how I learned it, and thank you for teaching me. It may come a little late, but I’m glad it arrived. You arrived.