This is the problem when you are a passionate kind of person. I thought it’s a good trait to have. But as I grew older, I just hoped it has never been innate to me. I don’t need to get attached and get dumped. It’s painful.
I learned to build up walls in order for me not to get hurt. For new colleagues, new friends, new people I meet. For me it isn’t being anti-social but being careful. When I say I want to be your friend, I mean it and it means for a lifetime. However, there are people who just took it for granted and I take all the blame for that.
Sometimes, I even question myself. What’s wrong with me? Why do people leave? What did I do wrong? And not having the answers is the worst part.
So I try to limit my circle. I try not to give my all. I try not to be passionate. I try to be unemotional so I could save my heart for future pain. I try to limit reaching out. I try not to care. I try not to over analyze. I’m scared of rejections, I’m not good at handling it. But that’s not who I am.
I give my all. I am passionate. I am emotional. I want reaching out because I care. I still over analyze. And I’m still scared of rejections. Fudging scared of it. And that’s who I am. Me and my weak points.
But it’s okay. The thing I must realize is how to fit in. Acceptance. And courage. This is who I am.