If you are reading this because you thought I have ways on how to mend a broken heart, I’m sorry but it’s not about that. Just like you, I am also asking how, because it keeps coming and getting to me the painful way.
Is there a way how? I’d be very glad to follow. I hate this. The pain seeping, I don’t like it. But I can’t get rid of it. Although I try to make things right, life still has a way to get back to me and make it wrong 10 times wrong. I’m not entitled to feel this, so I am apologizing because I’m careless.
Attachments, bitch! The word shouldn’t be invented. It shouldn’t be associated to feelings, it should only be intended for files. Yeah, I got it the wrong way too, I know. It’s just now that it hit me so I’m backing down, white flag up I’m calling retreat.
As fragile and wounded as it was, here was my heart. I gave it to you. I let you see and hold it even if I’m aware it wouldn’t be taken good care of. Or maybe I got it wrong. To you, I don’t feel I did something right. I always end up breaking it. So I want it back. I know you don’t have it anymore but I want you to know that I want it back. I’ll never give it to you again.
I’m done on it. I’ll never get it right. And I thank you for literally bringing the wake up call. Although it’s not what I wanted, it is what I needed. And I’ll never be sorry for saying this, because it’s true, I also deserve to be genuinely happy.
I’ll be more careful in the future. I don’t like these tiny needles poking my heart, my hands, my chest, my mind. I totally hate them but they visit me often, staying for days, even weeks, even months. I don’t want them anymore.
Is there way out? No. I don’t know a way. It’s sad, and painful. I don’t like to have it anymore. You can have it all you want.
And I’m closing my doors for you. But before that. I’d like to tell you this.
The clouds have words, they are rambled. You let me dive in your clouds and let me appreciate them. You never warned me not to love them, and so I did. It’s not your fault, and it’s not also mine. Maybe we are the wrong people at the wrong time and in the wrong place. We could never be right. But the bond? The attachment? The connection? Please don’t forget them. Because I won’t forget.
I’m saying goodbye, no matter how much I suck on it.