Because this year had been pretty fucked up, I haven’t done anything fulfilling besides whining and complaining and hurting and stupidly killing myself in the inside. I know, that’s a shame… don’t mention it coz I totally understood and got it now.
So this upcoming year, I’m looking forward to the set of dreams I built years ago which sadly took a maintenance break this year. That’s really, really lame. I know.
I am a dreamer. Always had been. I have numerous dreams which are looking so ambitious but the hell I care because I always do my best to get there. That’s the thing in being a Taurus. Stubborn, deep, passionate. In which in my case, mostly stubborn so I don’t stop until I get what I started. And it would be so idiotic of me if I will let this another year to pass without accomplishing something because I’m being emotionally unstable again. I think I’m done being that and I’m positive this is a whole new lot of journey. 🙂
First on my list is to travel!!! Japan, SoKor, Australia, and because I’m really dreamy the top of the list is Paris. I hope my savings would bring me there. But reality wise I think I better start with Hong Kong. Not ashamed of it 🙊😁
Then the next adventure would soon to be dropped. Buying my own car. Adventure with my best friend. Paragliding, parachute, surfing, scuba diving, hot air balloon, mountain trekking… and a lot more!
I can’t wait. I know this means a lot of work, and harder work, but it’s the fruit of thy labor so I’m pretty much excited.
It’s a clichè to say Follow your dreams. Because my version is to Work on with your dreams.
Then chase for it.
I mean, I’m 200% sure I won’t be doing this for several reasons.
1. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like the inflicting pain.
2. Mom would kill me.
3. Dad too!
4. Staying clean.
5. Skin easily gets red, allergic to scratches.
But! Isn’t this cute? I feel like my inner-Moana is singing out loud. This is definitely me… with coconuts and shells and corals. This is me.
So before I lose my sanity and convince myself, I badly need discouragements.
It took me a looong while before I figured this out by myself. I was so bitter, so hurt, so sad. Devastated? I couldn’t bring that up. I am just 22. What could I know?
But someone told me, that age doesn’t define your experiences. That age doesn’t define maturity. That age doesn’t define your luck. And I totally agree with this, hundred percent.
So what am I breathing from? I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation nor do I owe anyone an acceptance. I think I owe that all to myself and it’s happening now. It’s so good to take a break from the toxicity of my past, stupid, careless self and thanks to people who never let go of my hand and supported me all the way to where I am now.
I am flawed. It’s an everyday battle to accept that it’s okay to fail and fall. It is just a matter of acceptance in which I guess I am always in denial. I thought I always get it. That I got it. But no, not as always. And it’s perfectly fine. So having this more than 6 months of breather helped me realized all of these. And it helps a lot.
I think the greatest lesson I learned from all my realizations is to love myself first before putting others. At such a young age, it’s better to build up myself first so that when I’m already whole, I can handle it all well and I’m more than solid- I couldn’t be rocked the way it was when I’m not. Self-respect, self-love, self-care. These are all vital before extending it to others. It always, and should always, start to self first before anybody else. After all, you can’t give what you don’t have. In that I’m making my mental notes.
It’s one hell of a roller coaster ride. But did I regret it? No. Not in a single second of thinking. As much as I wished none of it happened, I can’t. Because that made me a better version of myself, and it taught me lots of things that I will never ever learn inside a school. I’m not saying I’m glad it all happened. I wasn’t even glad. I’m just thankful that it didn’t totally destroy me, instead made me whole.
There is where I started. This is where I end.
This day had been so fun. 8:14PM.
It’s almost over here in the Philippines. But nobody cares. We have the longest celebration of Christmas since “Ber” months started.
I just wanna greet everyone a very Merry Christmas! May we never forget the true meaning of Christmas, that love, peace, forgiveness and joy wrapped in an understanding and giving ribbon is the greatest gift of all.
Here’s my warm greetings to everyone! Thank you for being a part of my Christmas 2016!
From my family to yours, with lots of love ❤❤❤❤
Our Office held this one perfect night to live out of stress from work and have fun. We totally did have fun.
Our team won the Christmas Presentation.
And also won all the party games! Gosh. Didn’t know we could be this competitive. I did ballet… oh no! It was harder now 💔
And of course. My hat made it to Top 3. I won the most colorful hat. But even though I didn’t get the title of Most Outrageous Hat, I’m still lucky to be voted in the top 3.
Oooops! Yeah, I got awarded ❤️❤️❤️
I didn’t learn from the 1st, or the 2nd or the 3rd time this happened. I’m so stupid! Really. Shame on me.
Don’t do that again. Like dropping me off but when I’m all okay and I’m sure as hell I don’t care anymore, you just appear from no where. And you make the cycle again.
Don’t do that again. Calling me with your fucking endearment but after days and weeks, even months of disappearing, you’d call me again, with that endearment that should be my favorite word of all like you just talked to me yesterday. It’s so annoying.
Don’t do that again. Having a confession? Telling me things which you said you never told anyone but me and I fucking believed it! I didn’t even second guess the tendency of me being fooled because I fucking believed you? Shame on me!
Don’t do that again! Please. Spare me my self-respect. Spare me the privilege to sprint out of your fucking game. Stop it!
It’s breaking me, my whole me. It rips the part of me which should be the most beautiful in me. It turns my most beautiful part the ugliest, the most bitter, the most ruined, the most used.
Don’t do it again. Your wrong signals. Please.
So as I got sick few days ago, I wasn’t able to practice this song after I decided to learn it. And not until today I had a chance to crack some chords.
I recorded to see how it would sound but unfortunately, my voice is a lot more in trouble than my chords.
^Playing Little Mix’s Secret Love Song.
I’m still working out on this one. ✌🏻️