If there is a word to describe my feelings today, I guess hurt is what I suggest. As much as I avoid this unwanted feeling, it just likes me. It sucks, really really sucks.
I try my very best to avoid being hurt and sad, but it is always right there, just around the corner… waiting for me. I’ve been there, done that. And I promised myself to always choose happy thoughts if ever I feel the attacks again.
I will let alcohol use my body as a vessel until I’m 1% me and 99% alcohol, just to numb this unwelcomed pain. I wish I like the taste of alcohol so it’s not a fantasy. But I don’t and it’s a shame. I hope I’m not this introvert person who loves books and writings and good quality music instead of being adventurous and outgoing. I’m not, and I’m not so proud.
Happy thoughts. Come to me. Think of them. Happy thoughts.
I established a way to steam off my unwelcomed feelings. There are only few things that I considered therapeutic for me. But now, one of these is breaking my heart. How could I let this happen to me again? My heart breaks for the sudden changes and I never had the chance to prepare myself.
You closed the door for me. It really breaks my heart. And even if I tried to avoid it, it just happened, right in front of me with my very own eyes.
It happened again.
And it breaks my heart.