I’ve been out of myself lately. I found myself a lot quieter than the usual me. I lost myself along the way, and it’s a constant battle to regain that state. It’s not that easy to find your composure after giving up. I lost the interest to open myself up, to be comfortable with people, to start the conversation- to trust again. I lost the essence of being a good person and now it felt like I’m just a person controlled by my anger, griefs, failures and disappointments.
I don’t know, I think this isn’t my best year. I’ve experienced all the life breaking events- lost a friend, got my heart broken, family member died, seeing dad being more sick, lost opportunities for career, people closing doors to me. They all smash me down and I can’t stand strong anymore. No matter how I tried to keep my composure, I still got tired during the war, I lost the battle.
But there is this thing I learned while going through all of these. I know it’s an old saying but it really is true: TIME HEALS EVERYTHING. Some might just take an hour, while some might take months, even years, but it won’t take forever. It can’t rain forever. Even Noah’s ark landed at a dried land and saw the rainbow. My mom is right, time will come all the wounds will heal and it will open on its own for giving the second chances.
Second chances. To love again, to be happy again, to celebrate and appreciate again, to plan and try new things again, to trust again. These second chances naturally come out when you’re perfectly healed already. And these will come when forgiveness is done. Forgiveness for the people who hurt you, and forgiveness for yourself.
So to you, my perfectly struggling self,
It’s gonna be okay. Remember that it’s okay not to be okay because it means there’s room for improvement. It’s okay to be hurt because there will be chances to learn more, even if by the hardest way. It’s okay to lose yourself from time to time because it means you’re starting to rebuild your new, better self. It’s okay to be broken, because it will remind you how precious and fragile you are that next time you will handle yourself with care. It’s all okay, Chin. All of it is part of the process you need to go through to make you a better person.
Just don’t forget that every time you stumble along the way, learn to stand up and pick up yourself. It’s a constant battle, and I’m proud of you that you keep on fighting even if there are times you doubt yourself and gave up. I can’t be any prouder! Live and love boldly, Chin. Because those who are afraid always lose even if they actually win. ❤️
P.S. No, it’s not over.