People come and go, that’s an established fact. We can’t force people to stay in our life no matter how much we need them, or care for them, or love them. The inevitable change will always be there, for better or for worse.
Although we don’t have a choice when people leave us, what we can choose is how we will remember them. And right now, I chose to remember my memories of you when I first knew and met you rather than choosing how you broke me into million pieces.
I would remember how you call me, or how your voice sounded when you say my name. I would remember how you grab my excess fats on my side and play with them until you tickle me and I’m dying laughing I almost pee. I would remember the wrinkles between your eyebrows when you think too much, those lines I want to kiss away and soften because it always looks so stiff. I want to remember your smiles when you know I’m hiding food from you. I want to remember your comforting hugs when I’m having my bad days, and remember you once, and by once I really mean only once, told me how happy you were I’m staying. (Not sure though if in your life or what)
I’d like to remember you for all those good and happy memories I collected rather than choosing how you break my heart, and how devastating it was when you left.
Because I know the scars would be hard to heal but it is as hard to just throw these memories of you. Remember when you made me promise that one nightmare moments not to ever forget about you? We even pinky sweared. The funny thing now is I didn’t ask you to promise the same thing. Hell, I just assumed you meant same thing because why would you want me to remember you if you don’t want same thing with me? But now I realized, I never made you promise so it’s pretty fair if you forgot about me. Sadly.
And it’s fine. Because I am learning from all of this… from all of you. There will come a time that I would no longer wonder how you are, what are you doing, did you sleep well or are you skipping meals again… I would stop thinking and caring, and remembering you.
But right now, this is how I want to remember you. My sweet & kind guy, almost mine but never did.