Today is something strange that I started to feel better… I won’t be so therapeutic that I am happy now and all, but let’s just say I am starting to accept things which I hold no control of. Although hurt and still in denial, I can now put my views on the brighter side.
I thought I can’t write happy thoughts again. I’ve been in the darkest side of the dark and what I always have in mind and heart are all hatred and sorrows. Who would be so happy if you like someone and then all of a sudden be gone?
Let me share my short story. Okay.. So I am very open that I like this British guy named Ben. I thought he was different from the other guys, but no, he’s just like them. He takes people for granted, he says words he does not mean, he feeds women with sweet but insincere words. He made me believe everything we had is true. But I didn’t care. I know those were not true from the start, but I didn’t care. I am not stupid, I just thought there could be something for us if I give him more time and more chances. But I learned not to hurt myself more by being blind with false hopes- so I’m trying to put a period in this side of story.
He stopped talking/chatting with me. I am aware because I know he doesn’t even like me real. So last night I left a message in his Kik. That way, I could see if he had read my message. It was marked D, which means delivered… Which means it came through his phone, he is online but doesn’t read it yet. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and closed my data and went to sleep. But the next morning as I was heading to my office I couldn’t resist checking if my message was marked R, meaning received. It will mean that he opened the message and read it. So I checked. There was an R on my message. I exhaled a laugh. I dunno why did I laugh. I am a bit sad because he just opened the message and did not reply a single letter to me. But I laughed more because it was like a hard stone thrown into my skull. Sarcastically.
He. Is. Not. Into. Me.
He. Was. Just. Bored.
He. Took. Me. For. Granted.
WE ARE NOT SOMETHING ELSE.
So today… I faced myself in the mirror. I looked at myself and asked do I ever want all of this crap and endure the pain? He doesn’t deserve me which I didn’t care from the start. Who is he to deserve all the crying nights I had cried for him?
It is true, love is enduring, but love is not stupid. I know someone else is more deserving of the things I can give, of the care I can show, of the love I can share.
And now without anymore hatred, I would start to rebuild the broken pieces of me. I couldn’t believe I am seeing the positive side of my story… Someday it will all be bright. Maybe it is a bit stormy today, but soon rainbows will shine.
And I can’t wait.