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Expecting Something Unexpected

“Things happen when you least expect it.”

Last August 26, I woke up from a very long sleep wherein my hair was still wet. Yes, I fell asleep after taking a bath, and woke up with a very unusual and sick feeling. I ignore the muscle pain and slight fever I am experiencing that time, I told myself that maybe it’s because of yesterday’s family plans we did, and all of it was due to tiredness. The next day, I went to school with fever, not telling my Mom or my classmates and friends, of course I have to go to school, I don’t like to miss my school day, for me it is very important.

But things happen when you least expect it. Because I am not really feeling well, my friend, Shar, heard my conversation with Mama over the phone. Mom was instructing me to go to the clinic, and Shar offered to accompany me. It was 4 o’clock that time, I was hesitating to go because the clinic might get closed any moment from that time. But Shar really convinced me because of the visible blisters on my face and neck. And yes, I was diagnosed by the school physician of having chicken pox and was not allowed to go back to school until September 9.

I was really in deep thought that time. I had a lot of worries. First of all, that was 2 weeks. 2 weeks of not going to school, 2 weeks of being absent, 2 weeks of school activities to be missed. I was crying that night, having in mind the things that really scare me ever since. I don’t want to procrastinate, but it seems so relevant when I am not around in school. That’s my only motivation to keep going and let myself excel in ways I know. But dark clouds showered over me, I laid up a plan inside my head, but it did not even help a single plot. Why am I crying? Then maybe my reasons will justify my actions now.

1. I’M AFRAID TO HAVE CHICKEN POX

– this is one of my worst nightmares ever since. I don’t really want to acquire it even before because of my very low pain tolerance. I have experienced measles before and it was very itchy and I couldn’t really bare it. But now, all I have to accept is that these blisters won’t disappear. It was really itchy and irritating. I haven’t slept for 3 nights because of my very uncomfortable situation. Even before, I used to get off with people having chicken pox. I really don’t like to have it, no one does, I guess. But unluckily, I had it, and now was the time to accept it. But what about my next worries?

2. THE WEEK AFTER WILL BE MY MIDTERM EXAMINATION

-this is the very reason why I don’t like to have it. This is the very reason why my heart was pounded into pieces. I have 10 midterm examinations to take this week (September 4-7), but I was only allowed to get back in school on the 9th. I am now a junior student in Pharmacy, my subjects are ALL major subjects and I am admitting to myself that these subjects are not easy. I promised to myself that I will make better grades for this grading period, but look what happened! Now I don’t know how will I ever get back in track again. From that 10 exams, add the 7 missed quizzes and other activities I did not perform, plus the assignments which I never know if my professors will look into considerations. I am really scared now, and hopeless, too, if I would be able to pass this through. I am really envious of my schoolmates who are all finished taking their exams with no worries now, but I? I have just started, just 3/10 of the exams done and the quizzes still battling inside my head. L

-now the saddest part. That’s the reason why I am not allowed to go to school, because others might acquire the Varicella virus inside me. I really missed my friends, yeah they visited me before I went back in province for some time, but they were so afar from me. I understand them because that’s what I did also before. Even worse, I have this friend who will leave soon for outside the country “growth” and I was planning of a little surprise for him. I was planning to gather all our friends, have a little time together before he finally leaves. But it won’t permit me because of my condition. Now, even to see him before he really flies away, or even to bide goodbyes with him is way too impossible because he hasn’t acquire same condition as mine yet. He might have chicken pox, too and I don’t want that to happen. So this is another worry which really made me sad all through this time. Maybe because, I would personally like to say goodbye for the last time, even just so of saying it apart, but now would not be realistic to happen.

These things really broke my heart. I went home, but the people I want to mingle with are not coming because they still don’t get chicken pox yet. I was a loner all throughout the time. I sat on a same seat, be on the same place all the time. My mind was still in school, thinking of the plenty of school works that they are busily doing and which I will be missing. I have plenty of things to cite that really broke my heart. I even talked to God, WHY THIS TIME? Of all time, why this time? There’s still a lot of time for me to have it but why this time? This time that I’m in the middle of my classes and about to have examinations, this time that I could not be able to meet and bide bye to a friend soon leaving and with no definite time to comeback. I am really in deep agony to figure things out.

Sure I am that there is a reason why it had happened. I talked to God, and He answered in a way I consider he did. One day, I was browsing over my phone. Then unintentionally I was staring on my long-time wallpaper. It says there: “You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it”. I smiled a bit, slowly realizing what my wallpaper was trying to say. Maybe I was thinking I can’t do it, maybe I was thinking of pretty much worries but at the end, I’m strong enough surely to pass it. It made me feel a lot better. And now, I am better recovered and ready to face whatever is along the way I am walking. Maybe it would be really hard, but God is constantly reminding me that I am not alone in this battle, even a lot of people will turn their heads away from me, He’s still there, never leaving me.

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Honestly, at this moment, I still don’t know and don’t realize the reason why I had this chicken pox in a very wrong timing. But I know, God never sets plans on a wrong timing. Not too late, not too early but always on a perfect timing. With this condition, I know it is wrong, but I am excited to know how it will turn out to be perfect.

For the mean time, I will just face my reality. I know it will be very hard. I have to double my work, double my effort, double everything I have. I could not go back in the past, it happened already so there’s no use for such a bitter drama. Maybe I did this to lessen the burden and pain and sadness I am feeling from the past few days. This is very random, but it helped me a lot.

Thank you for having time reading these sentiments and I hope in a way or another, you’ll find answers to the same thoughts as my questions. Have a good day and stay healthy!

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Author:

Well. This is, for most of the time, the hardest part to fill in. Maybe because I am not the type of person who loves to talk about herself. But in this site you can read the pieces of my life, my ups and downs, my victories and defeats. This is the only outlet where my brain can team up with my heart. For everyone who can't construct the words in the clouds of life. Happy reading! ❤️

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