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Why Is It Hard To Say GoodBye?

Hi! I’m really in a hard time today, overthinking and over analyzing things again. I know it is not good to have this such habit, but I can’t help myself from critiquing my emotions, most especially if it is bombarded by intense one. Since I have no classes today, and I don’t want to start my school works now, I’ve been thinking of “something” that’s really bothering me maybe a week or two already…

HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU SAY “GOODBYE” TO SOMEONE ELSE?

Yes, this question keeps on popping out of my mind. There are times in our life that we really need to say goodbye. Like when we go to school, we bid goodbyes to our parents, or siblings, or dormmates, or to anyone who lives with us. Same as when we go home from school, we say goodbyes to our teachers, professors, classmates and friends. There’s no negative feeling, right? It had been a routine. You get used to say it whenever you are leaving, or going away…

But the difference is, you know you could still see each other again… Maybe tomorrow, or next day after tomorrow, or even just few hours or minutes after you left… Then that’ll be the time that saying goodbye is hard, if you know it will never happen again…

SAYING GOODBYE IS HARD WHEN YOU’RE STILL NOT READY TO LEAVE, AND WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU STILL WANT TO STAY, LIKE FOREVER, BUT YOU HAVE TO GO.

That’s really a hard task to do. That’s what I feel right now. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to go away, most especially, I like to stay THE SAME… But I guess, there are circumstances that no matter how we like to hold on for something, if that “something” needs to go, or has to leave, then you need to let go. You have to be brave, and be strong, and be selfless enough to let “it” go. Why is it really hard to do? I can’t come up with even a good explanation to make myself believe that I have to let it go…

MAYBE, the very reason why it is hard to do, is because, I really don’t want to let it go, first and foremost. Secondly, is maybe because the emotions are so intact that detaching from it alone is very hard to do also. And lastly, if it’s only you who is affected in doing so, it is a lot harder to say goodbye then…

Like for example, saying goodbye to someone you really love, who just passed away and you were not yet ready to let go of him/her. How will you deal with that? Of course, we could no longer control that, it is God’s own will and decision to let it happened, we don’t have to question that. But really it is very hard to say goodbye to that person, right? The very reason why, is the personal and emotional attachment. It is all about the memories you’ve shared together that haunts you with fear. I honestly could tell the very reason why someone feels lonely when someone left them behind for good. It is the emptiness they will feel when that someone is already gone. Just like in my very own situation, I can’t let go of that person, because maybe he or she is a very important person in my life, that all my ups and downs were shared with him/her, that everything about me is also a part of him/her, that it is considered to be a piece of jigsaw puzzle, that whosoever is missing, of course, the puzzle will forever be incomplete. That’s the very feeling when you’re unprepared, and somebody just left you… How could you really say goodbye, if there are things you still want to say, and things you still want to do, and stories you still want to share, and moments you still want to have together. It is really painful, that no one could understand what you’re into, because they’re not in your situation right now to realize how ugly you feel inside. Saying goodbye to someone who left you for a very uncontrollable reason, whom neither the two of you wanted it to happen, is a very very hard thing to do. All you could do for now is to cry, to just let all of the pain comes out and be relieved with ease. But that’s temporary, a day after, or even hours after, you will again feel that “emptiness” and “incompleteness”, and thinking of it again will surely cause pain…

We have different situations in saying goodbye, but it will always be with same reason that someone or something will go away or leave. Only the duration of time will differ, some will be gone for minutes only, or hours, or days, or weeks, or months, or years, or unfortunately, for forever.

BUT HOW TO DEAL WITH IT?

Of course we need to face it, we need to accept the fact that “things come and go”. So it will depend upon our own personalities then, on how to accept the “bitterness” of saying goodbye. There are people who can accept things fast, and there are also people, just like me, who need to go under a long process of acceptance before finally saying that it’s okay, or it’s already done. Of course nothing’s instant, that time heals everything. But whether we like it or not, we have to accept that nothing stays forever in our life. Even in our own selves, someday we will also bid goodbye to our very own bodies. So here are some of ways to cope up with these things.

1. Pray for God’s Guidance. Our faith will keep us going, and will always give us strength.

2. Talk to your family and friends. This will lessen the instances of your mind to think about your situation. It will also relieve you of the emotional burden, because someway and somehow, you will feel that you’re not alone in carrying the burden.

3. Divert your attention. As what I’ve said, it involves emotional and personal attachment. So to lessen the pain, you have to detach yourself from that attachment. Maybe by making yourself busy with other things and activities.

4. Be brave enough. Don’t make your world so small for that concept. Be brave enough to face it and accept it, and finish it. Maybe this will be a hard one to do, because it will depend to someone’s personality. But doing so will give you guts to move on!

5. Pray and pray and pray and pray. – You have to always do this if you want to be emotionally healed by the pain of letting someone or something go. Saying goodbye will always be hard, most especially if you still want to stay. But prayers will always give you strength and enlightenment, that no matter how hard it will be, there’s Someone up there ready to rescue you, and ready to heal you.

It is unavoidable to feel pain. We all experience different kinds of pain all throughout our lives. So I know I don’t have any right to tackle anything about this at all. But the mere fact, that at one way or another, my points are taken significantly, then I must say it is fair to speak for what my heart and mind were confused about. Really, we don’t know who will stay and go in our lives, but the thing I learned is that, we should always make the best out of the time we have with them. We should always live with happiness and love, because regrets after are no use…

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IN THE MIDST OF CONFUSION

Lately, I’m always in the clueless world of decision making. I don’t know how to deal with it since I consider myself as a vulnerable and fragile one when it comes to deciding which is for good or for bad. I know I am old enough to decide for my life, but not mature enough to weigh these things in my mind. I always need to ask somebody or someone just to help me clear things out. The thing here is, I only trust few people, and that each of these people does not all for everything. Like for example my Mom, I could definitely share anything to her, almost all of my concerns and the things that bother me, but never things about my heart, or things regarding my utmost emotions. That thing is now counted for my fewest trusted friends, whom I am not awkward to share. But still, there are stuff I could not tell anyone, things that are torturing me inside, that I know no one will ever understand unless they’re experiencing it right in time within my shoes… Until I almost forget that there will always be someone who’s there to listen to you. He already knows what’s bothering you even you’re not speaking a word. He’s love and care, and words and touch has healing powers that lingers into your very soul. What He just asks from us is to go and call for Him, to say it aloud and mention your concerns. He is one GREAT and BIG God. At times I forget that He’s just here and there, ready to listen and help me out more than anybody else. And yes, during the hardest times, I just close my eyes, bow down and talk to Him through prayers. I don’t actually pray, I tell him stories. I narrate every single pain inside me, and I don’t know but everything that’s confusing me fades and lightens. Before I have lots of fear. I am almost afraid of everything, I always have these “what ifs” and then everything that’s too ugly follows. But then realizing that His love is present, that He is majestic and powerful, my fear was eaten whole by my faith. There is where I realized, I’m not really alone and that someone is watching over me, helping me, cares for me.

Through our deepest sorrow, we don’t need to mourn always. Yes, we can’t get the thoughts of sadness off. But if we only know that there’s a right person to go to during these times, we’ll always end up winning the battle inside us.

And yes, the promise of peace and love follows within our hearts.

“And He said: Cast your burdens upon me, those who are heavily laden. Come to me all of you who are tired of carrying heavy loads. For the yoke I will give you is easy and my burden is light. Come to me, and I will give you REST.” – Matthew 11: 28

Go and fear nothing! We have our powerful backup! 🙂 God bless everyone!!!!

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Once a Poet

I was the editor-in-chief of our newspaper back when I was in highschool. Not to be so boastful of it, I’ve honestly been the EIC for two years, and I’ve been a journalist for seven years, competing for newswriting contest during press conference back then.

Writing for our newspaper had been my life during highschool. I usually write for the news page and the editorial page for my column. During the layouting of it, the staffers need to be there just to help my Mom (being the adviser) and Sir Ed (who is no longer an adviser but a Filipino supervisor in the division office). And I’ve never wrote anything for the feature page, not when my Mom made an article and named it after me. So this poem was my very first enrty, from the mere fact that I’m already a senior student, and it so happened that there were still spaces to fill and we no longer have articles on hand. So as the EIC, I wrote something for those spaces, it came to be this:

HINDI MAGTATAPOS SA PAGTATAPOS

Sa ating paghihiwalay, mahal kong kaibigan

May makapagpapahid pa kaya sa luha ng paglisan?

Palagi kong babaunin ang bawat kasiyahan

Na kay tagal-tagal ay ating pinagsaluhan

Tila ‘di ko mawari na nalalapit na

Tatanggap ng sertipiko at ng medalya

Ngunit may kalungkutan pa ring madarama

Dahil tiyak sa kaibiga’y magpapaalam na

Sa ating pagtatapos, mahal kong IV-Dandelion

Inyong siguruhin, hindi ‘yan lalaon

Ang pagsasamahan nati’y palagi kong baon

Sa magiging pagtahak sa napiling propesyon

Kahit pa magkaroon ng bagong kaibigan

Hindi na mababago ang ating samahan

Tayo ma’y sa isa’t isa’y bibigkas ng “Paalam”

Darating pa rin ang araw “party-party” ang isisigaw.

I know I’m not really good when it comes to poetry, but the memories I had during the time I wrote this are precious enough to reminisce. I just really missed my highschool days, I just really missed my life back then 🙂

It is not what is in your hands that is yours, but it is what is left when you learn to let go…

This was one of my favorite quotes from my respected professor when I was still a freshie in college. He always gives me this kind of realization, and his words have always given me impact as to what makes sense and what’s not. He said this, out of nowhere, during one of our class discussions in Biology class. I don’t even remember why he said that, but the truth is, this I quoted from him made me realized that whatever I am holding now is not really mine. I was pretty puzzled before, as I could not really get the core out of it. Not until I’ve realized that it is essential, and this taught me a lesson.

There are times in our life that we are wanting for something. Others might want to get material things, others might want attention, others might be in need of affection. We are always looking for those things that will make us feel complete. But there are also times that we over look these things. Sometimes, reasons for having it are already beyond the limitations, and we often times neglect reality. Here I realized that whatever I have, is not actually mine. We don’t own anything even if it’s already within our grasps.

I won’t be in denial that I am selfish at times. I tend to be selfcentered because being the last child and only girl in the family, I usually get what I want (but not all the time). Those were the thoughts I have before, that whatever I have, it is mine. But it’s not true when it comes in reality. Most of the time, you could determine what is yours only after it is gone. That’s behind being selfless.

Not everything that’s in our hands is ours. Not everything that’s pleasing for our souls is ours. We could only identify the real OURS if we are selfless enough to let go of it and see what will remain. Being selfish hinders us to truly know what is really ours. At one way or another, we have to set free of it, just to be sure if its really ours to claim. So never be someone who closes his or her palms to have the grasp for something. Let us always be open-handed, so we will always know that what remains on it is the real thing we can claim. That’s the lovely truth behind selflessness – the very fruit of love and peace.

So, at this moment, have you determined already what is yours? Or are you one of those who close their hands and claim that whatever inside is theirs?

The truth behind SELFLESSNESS