Posted in Pharmaceutical

Yes, FINALLY!!!

I would just like to share this today! 

So, when I was still in College taking up Bachelor of Science in Pharmacy, me and my groupmates won several awards in our undergraduate thesis. It was a very bloody & tiring & heartbreaking process just to come up with this complicated type of research. I experienced not being able to sleep and sacrificing plenty of time, effort, and takenote, money because we really wanted to bring out this thesis. 


I had to stand up for our group during the thesis defense because I wanted to prove them this wasn’t just a waste of our parent’s money. This is something useful and remarkable and bringing new idea and reference to the vast marine animals’ medicinal uses. Luckily, we hadn’t let our parents and professors down.


Entitled The Anti-Mutagenic Property of Fish Oil from Tamban (Sardinella lemuru fam. Clupeidae) In Mitomycin C- Induced Female ICR Mice, we decided to get it published in one of the biggest journals in the field of pharmacy and health sciences. Revising and editing and putting everything in a concise, short yet informative manuscript, I, being the lead researcher and my good friend Liza & our adviser and Dean, worked on it for several months. 

Finally. 

It’s been published! It’s available at the Vol. 3 issue for 2016, Jul-Sept of the Asian Journal of Pharmaceutical and Health Sciences, and it could also be viewed at its website http://www.ajphs.com. 


Our intention for this research work is to help our needs in the unending dilemma to cure cancer. May this little contribution be a new light to other researchers out there! More than the fulfillment of publishing your work and having it copyrighted, my biggest reward in this is that more people will be informed and educated about the possibilities of fish oil to prevent mutations in our cells carried by the harmful mutagens we encountered in our daily living.

Indeed, finally! 

Posted in Battlefield

Changing Hues

Soaked with my own tears, I looked myself in the mirror. I still can’t control my fears. As much as I tried not to care, here I am, silencing my pain and still trying to reach out. My attachments were never been clawed shallow. Because I dug deep, I want that connection. I don’t do temporary. I don’t invade personal bubble, I respect privacy, but I don’t do surface interaction. 

I tried to adjust, be accepted, engage and respond. I tried to get it personal and lasting… but my fears. I’m scared to be neglected, be left alone, be rejected. I’m scared to be pushed away and it unfortunately scars me. I envy those who could just not care and move on with their lives. I envy those people who are not sensitive. 

If I only have a choice. I wouldn’t choose these things that are killing me. I will choose to shut down anything that goes wrong so as not to cause further damage. I wouldn’t dare to get closer, I wouldn’t try. I will be selective. It could have been my choice. But then again…  

Being a person with the heart dominant over the brain, these are all null. 

Posted in self

Just Because

Next week. I swear. Next week I’ll go out and forget my world for a week. Again. Apparently this is something I don’t regret doing. Ever.

Yes, it is not easy to earn money. But the balance between doing what you need and doing what you love should always be in consideration. 

Because living is not living without fun πŸ™‚ 

To you all out there, do the things you like. Word hard, have fun HARDER. Just live a little. ❀

Posted in Broken

That Empty Hole

It’s empty and hollow. My space. It’s empty. It’s hard when I can see it in your eyes that every time you look at me, you still see her. My hand will never be her hand. My voice will never be her voice. My heart will never be her heart. I can never be her. But she is all you see. I can see that when you look at me.

You said you can’t run away from me. You said you tried but you always come back. You said you feel incomplete without me. But wouldn’t that be just because you remember her in me? The feeling of familiarity when I’m around. Because you made me feel that. 

It is not me who you wanted. I cannot fill in the emptiness she left because as long as she is in there, I cannot fill it with me.

I don’t like to compete with someone who already won your heart. I don’t like to fight if I already lost. Because no matter what I do, your eyes will seek her, you ears will hear her, your mind will think of her, and your heart will love her. 

Always.

Posted in Interest, self

The Lady Glitter Sparkles

All girls might have worn Bridget shoes in her life in a way or another. Like doubting herself, having insecurities and feeling ashamed of her imperfections, being scared to say what she wants, and scared to fight for herself because there is the cliche or ‘social norm’ of just being a girl.

We all faced that, or might be facing that, or will be facing that. We all question why. Am I not pretty enough? Am I not deserving? It happens once in a while. It’s sad to feel that… like how Bridget was. So sad and hurt under her own space doing chores and washing the dishes while silently admiring and loving the prince of the Bergens.

But we can all be the Lady Glitter Sparkles, without faking or trying to be someone else.

We can do something about the things we want and like. After all, if there’s a will there’s a way! We can’t just sulk in a corner whining about life being unfair when it is actually being fair to all because it is unfair to everybody else. 

This is a matter of taking chances… of being brave. Of standing for yourself, fighting for things you like, accepting who you are, loving yourself first without losing your responsibilities as a good person.

Because it will all start within you before it will radiate to others. 

So to every little girls, teens, women who might be feeling a little sad being alone this Valentine’s Day, cheer up! πŸ™‚ Start doing your Lady Glitter Sparkles make over without losing your inner Bridget. Don’t ever try to be someone else and fake your life. Just be true to yourself and accept who you really are and be proud. 

Like what the OST of Trolls said: so don’t be afraid to let them show your true colors, beautiful, as a rainbow 🌈

Happy Valentine’s Day, Single Ladies! πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•Remember that having a date does not only mean with the opposite sex. Who knows what next year might be? 

Disclaimer: I know it will be 2 more days before the actual day, but I just want to say this ahead of time to lessen sulking and whining and being bitter. Love you all from the bottom of my hypothalamus 😘😘😘

Posted in Battlefield

NevermindΒ 

I was writing for 2 hrs already. It was I think 6 paragraphs already. I really really want to vent it out. I feel so dumb waiting, and now that I realized that, I feel so angry. 

I was done writing it. But it was full of bitterness and hatred and sorrow. It wasn’t something beautiful. And just this time, I care about those who might read it and would get upset after. As much as I have my emotional burdens, I know there are few people around here who could read it and the disturbing content of it would just be so upsetting… because that’s how I felt, I was upset.

But. It is a choice. My choice not to scatter the seeds of negativity. So, nevermind. I had written it anyway, just a portion of personal stuff that I don’t like to share to anyone. 

I’m hoping for a brighter day tomorrow. This one actually sucks πŸ’”

Posted in self, Soul Searching

What It Actually Means

It scares me. The words people use and take granted for. It’s frightening that the once special and meaningful words were losing its value because of how people were using it nowadays. 

The I love yous and I’m missing yous and I can’t wait to kiss you or hug yous were slowly becoming less passionate, less sincere, less intimate. It’s slowly becoming a habit instead of a feeling. And it shouldn’t be like that. These words are powerful, and shouldn’t be used for desensitizing your feelings, or neglecting attachments. There shouldn’t be any getting used to, NO.

These words are magic. Sweet and sincere.

That’s how it meant for me. When I say I love you, I SWEAR to mean it. I may not put it directly in my words but my actions will definitely be the evidences. And my I love you more will never mean that I love you more than you love me.

It means I love you more than our arguments. I love you more than our silly misunderstandings. I love you more than my weaknesses, or your weaknesses. I love you more than you could imagine. More than the fights, whether intentional ot not. More than other people’s judgement. More than anything or anybody else. 

I cannot compete with how you can love. I can only compete with how I can.

It shouldn’t be anything less.